Removing the “chronic” from endometriosis stress
Stress is the most potent toxin you can remove from your life, yet it often seems like the last thing many of us want to focus on. I know it was at the end of my own list! Why? Probably because I was more stressed than I realized -- and I hated how every “stress-less” advice page told me to meditate. I was even listening to a podcast the other day when the host mentioned she stopped using the word “stress” in her show titles because they automatically got less downloads.
We’re all so busy we can’t even imagine slowing down. We don't think we can afford it.
In my own journey, after endo forced me to give up my busy lifestyle I realized my body kept on with it’s stressors because I never learned how to calm them down. I was ignoring the fact that my brain never got a break from the whirlwind of information, social media, screens, and negative thoughts that swirled daily through my head, nor from the daily stressors of life like bills, responsibilities, etc etc.
I know I’m not alone, most of us here in the US go through life in a somewhat constant state of distress, whether we realize it or not. Sometimes we think we were just born anxious, nervous, or worried, but what all these three emotions have in common is that they're symptoms of distress. Even if you're functioning through the stress, if your body has a constantly high level of cortisol, your body will start breaking down.
I have a crystal clear post on how stress directly contributes to endometriosis here.
This is why it’s fantastic to learn a new approach to stress, one that doesn’t add another item on to your to-do list but rather teaches you how to deal with your daily stresses without, well, stressing. No you can’t escape all of them, but you can learn how to manage them without the stress reaction.
Magic: Turning Distress into Eustress (yoo-stress)
Stress is your body's response to a situation, and you might be amazed to find out not all stress is bad: Eustress is beneficial, while distress is not. What stress could possibly be beneficial? Think of it like when you put your body through an ordeal and you're stronger for it, like training for a couch to 5k, happily preparing for a major event like a wedding, staying the course with personal development, or even getting to know someone you really like. All of these may be difficult, extra work, or somewhat uncomfortable, but eustress fuels our feeling of success and achievement.
You might also be surprised to know that you can turn distress into eustress with the correct approach: by adopting a new, problem-solving mindset. To use an example, let’s pretend you’re mad at your partner for seemingly never helping with the dishes. At first you’re fine, but after a while, it starts to really upset you. If you never address the issue, then it will start to eat at you, leaving you with growing resentment and distress (i.e. the negative stress we don’t want). And sadly, the stress will only grow because since, yes, the dishes will continue to need to be washed.
Instead of accepting a new chronic stressor in your life, the new goal is to solve the problem. For example, you talk to your partner about how they need to pitch in 50/50. Or perhaps you both realize your partner is far better at taking out the trash and vacuuming, so you agree to stick on dish duty solo while they help out with other chores. Both of these are solid decisions to close the door on the situation, so it won’t linger and keep stressing you out. You turned stress into a doable task, which you completed, and now you can move forward. Problem solved, stress gone.
If this dish example doesn’t vibe with you, I’m sure you can still think up a variety of other types of distress coming from unsolved problems in your own life, both big and small. Some examples may include a parent constantly texting you, trouble paying bills on time, always misplacing your keys, housework you can’t seem to keep up with, an overly-complaining co-worker, doom-scrolling too often on the news, or anything else that causes you chronic anxiety, worry, or annoyance.
Once you realize you have the power to change your response to the stressor, you can start to dismiss many of the lingering stressors in your life by focusing on solving the problems and moving on stress-free. Want to know more? See the following pull-out for an activity to help you with this.
Activity: Solve Your Stressors by Solving the Problems
For this activity, all you need is a piece of paper and some detective motivation.
Step 1: Notice what you stress about. Be a researcher and, when you’re angry, sad, frustrated, annoyed, or anxiety-riddled (all types of basic “stress”), simply jot down why on a piece of paper. While some stressors may be big (like a dying family member, marital problems, or financial worries), I guarantee you will notice many distress responses over relatively small issues as well.
Step 2: Analyze your list of distressing grievances and circle what you can address now. Circle all the smaller issues that can easily be addressed—too much housework, disorganization leading to overdue bills, overthinking Tik Tok, or drinking that enormous espresso, for example. The ones you don’t circle are the ones you can’t address immediately, such as the “unhappy in the city I live in” if you really can’t move right now. Get it?
Step 3: Start small—only address two or three at a time. Choose two or three to address. One at a time, format each stressor into a problem that needs a solution. Next, make a decision to solve it. Always lose your keys? Decide to make a spot in your house to hang them and commit to it. Are bills getting paid late or forgotten? Decide to use a digital calendar to remind you to pay them on specific dates. Set the dates to recur monthly, and you will have reminders for life! Overthinking Tik Tok? Take a social media break. Once you solve the first stressors, keep the momentum going while moving on to the next ones on your list. You get the point. By solving each little problem, you can mitigate a great deal of daily stress in your life. And removing the little stressors gives you more runway to address the bigger stressors.
Step 4: Revel in how much shorter your list is, and how much less stressed you feel. The more solutions you create, the less distress you will have. And while larger issues like unhappy marriages, living situations, or taking care of a sick relative may seem too big to be addressed right now, you may be surprised that as you free up mental space from the non-important stressors, you can finally address the big ones. Maybe you finally feel like you have the energy to seek counseling for the wayward marriage (or heck, maybe simply talking about dish-washing duties will help!). Maybe you finally decide to change jobs with a better salary to ease your financial burdens.
#2: Tapping for the Distress that has no solution
I learned about tapping from a documentary on a generation of Rwandan orphans left after the genocide. These young adults were so thoroughly traumatized from this experience they couldn’t move on. It was a distress with no solution, so they couldn't move past it. How you could you when you might see the exact man who murdered your parents every day in the market and know they would never go to jail?? The solution came in the form of "tapping". and through this type of stress work these kids ended up making amazing progress in jumping mental hurdles over what I can’t even fathom.
How does this relate to you? You may not have experienced anything near this level of horror, but you may have experienced another sort, or endo itself might be your horror. Maybe your distress with no solution is a bad breakup that you constantly think about or an event all the way back in high school when you were ruthlessly taunted. There’s no judgment or scoring system to which horror is worse than another, in your own life, whatever haunts you is at the top of the scale, which is why tapping can work for everyone.
Tapping is wonderful because it allows your brain to honor what’s haunting you, and then release it. If you find yourself stuck in a negative brain swirl and instantly just try to cut the thought away (ie. change the subject), you’re not dealing with the root of the problem and it's bound to keep boomeranging back. Here’s a really awesome talk that will help you on your way:
Moving past a life of chronic Distress
Once you learn you were living life in a chronic state of distress and take actionable items to move past you will find yourself amazingly lighthearted and more able to deal with the big stressors that come your way. The deluge of stresses will always be there, but hopefully now you can see how you can either fall in the stress river and drown, or built a raft and float. Heck, maybe it’s a yacht!
Ok, maybe your life won’t be exactly like this after your de-stressing journey - it will totally depend on your own circumstance. I can’t pretend to know what you’re circumstance is, if you are a woman with endo you could be in high school or you could be nearing the end of your career. What I can do is show you a little glimpse into my own world now that I’ve learned to let go of the little things and replace them with healthy life choices:
I cut out extra responsibilities that I didn’t need to do (or no longer felt passionate about) and inserted things I should. A little reprioritizing allowed me to get a much needed nap before work, walk my dog 2 miles every day, and time for Saturday mornings to be my farmers market and veggie prep time so I have a week of chopped veggies at my cooking disposal.
Instead of facebook-scrolling or pinterest-wandering during my free time (or first thing in the morning), I began to read for pleasure again -- real paper books! I made a concerted effort to do this, and am now engrossed in wonderful stories that light up my brain and soul. This could be substituted with any hobby: cooking, crafting, DIY, anything that makes you feel good.
I stopped listening to podcasts or music during my nature walks. Now I feel like I’m really connecting with nature and allowing my mind to think and daydream on its own without being constantly forced to think in a structured format. Free time for the mind is a beautiful thing.
Most importantly, I’m learning to retrain my brain. Like many people, I battle a tendency letting negative or anxious thoughts control me. If you find yourself caught in similar cyclical thought patterns, try to reason if they should be addressed so you can finally solve the problem (like asking your mother to stop criticizing your boyfriend), or if they’re obsessive thought that are ready to be cut loose (like that embarrassingly drunken thing you said 5 years ago). Thoughts like these serve you no purpose in becoming your best self, and should be throughly axed from your daily brain operations. Try tapping to release :)
I can say de-stressing in totality is a long journey, so be patient. But when you start waking up calm about the day ahead, like a relaxed house cat, you'll begin to see the world in a totally new light. And wow, is it beautiful